Friday, May 17, 2013

Life Lesson #453

The first thing you need to know is I despise Wal-Mart and it’s all their fault. They made me do it.  The second thing you should probably know, a little less important, it was really my fault, but because of excuse #1 it cancels out #2.

I have been out of bubble bath for a couple months now, and finally decided that I needed to stop using my daughters Hello Kitty bubble bath and buy some grown up bubble bath. I was squatting down in the aisle trying to see all the different combinations of smells they had available for bubble bath. I kind of knew I wanted Lavender smelling bubble bath, but who knew there were 12 different brands. So one by one I was going to smell them all. I needed to make sure I was making the right purchase. I smelled four of them and saw another one. This stupid cap was tricky. They screwed the lid on super tight. I had my car keys and cell phone in one hand and was easily able to open the other bottles with one hand. Why I didn’t set my keys and phone down like a smart person, who knows? How am I going to get this lid off so I can smell if this one is better than the other ones? Uh, hello, my legs are free. I grabbed the bottle and put it in between my legs and held on snuggly so it wouldn’t go anywhere and then used my free hand to unscrew the cap……..

I’m sure you know exactly what happened next.  Yep, you guessed it. Bottle+legs squeezing=soap gushing everywhere. HOLY SHIT! What do I do? Why am I still staring at the bottle while more is spilling? Then it clicked, set your damn keys and phone down and grab the bottle. I finally got the soap bottle set on the floor. Holy cow I made a mess. Why Wal-Mart would you make me do that??? Better yet what the hell am I going to do? The towel section is too far away to run and grab a towel without anyone noticing. The paper towel aisle is across the store and so definitely NOT an option. I had to think fast the bubble bath was absorbing through my pants, and then I saw it. I was down the bath aisle and there was my savior…….I grabbed the bath sponges and started wiping off the soap, and then grabbed another and another and about 10 more. (I don’t suggest anyone buys any sponges from this Wal-Mart for a while.) I got as much off my pants as I could.

My pants were now sticking to my leg.  The really sad part is I hadn’t even started my food shopping yet.  As I was walking swiftly away from that aisle, I thought to myself it couldn’t get any worse.  WRONG AGAIN! Since I had spilled the bottle all over myself, I never got the chance to smell it. I picked my hand up to my nose and YES I really spilled the stinkiest bottle of bubble bath all over me.  #FAIL

P.S. I suffered through this so that you would know not to do this because I know everyone wants to try it.

          P.P.S. I really should have taken a picture but was worried about cleaning myself up and getting away from that aisle, and I didn't think about it until I had scurried away, and at that point I was not going back to the scene of the crime. Although, my pants were screaming what had happened!