Sunday, May 26, 2013

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                              Thank you! J

Friday, May 17, 2013

Life Lesson #453

The first thing you need to know is I despise Wal-Mart and it’s all their fault. They made me do it.  The second thing you should probably know, a little less important, it was really my fault, but because of excuse #1 it cancels out #2.

I have been out of bubble bath for a couple months now, and finally decided that I needed to stop using my daughters Hello Kitty bubble bath and buy some grown up bubble bath. I was squatting down in the aisle trying to see all the different combinations of smells they had available for bubble bath. I kind of knew I wanted Lavender smelling bubble bath, but who knew there were 12 different brands. So one by one I was going to smell them all. I needed to make sure I was making the right purchase. I smelled four of them and saw another one. This stupid cap was tricky. They screwed the lid on super tight. I had my car keys and cell phone in one hand and was easily able to open the other bottles with one hand. Why I didn’t set my keys and phone down like a smart person, who knows? How am I going to get this lid off so I can smell if this one is better than the other ones? Uh, hello, my legs are free. I grabbed the bottle and put it in between my legs and held on snuggly so it wouldn’t go anywhere and then used my free hand to unscrew the cap……..

I’m sure you know exactly what happened next.  Yep, you guessed it. Bottle+legs squeezing=soap gushing everywhere. HOLY SHIT! What do I do? Why am I still staring at the bottle while more is spilling? Then it clicked, set your damn keys and phone down and grab the bottle. I finally got the soap bottle set on the floor. Holy cow I made a mess. Why Wal-Mart would you make me do that??? Better yet what the hell am I going to do? The towel section is too far away to run and grab a towel without anyone noticing. The paper towel aisle is across the store and so definitely NOT an option. I had to think fast the bubble bath was absorbing through my pants, and then I saw it. I was down the bath aisle and there was my savior…….I grabbed the bath sponges and started wiping off the soap, and then grabbed another and another and about 10 more. (I don’t suggest anyone buys any sponges from this Wal-Mart for a while.) I got as much off my pants as I could.

My pants were now sticking to my leg.  The really sad part is I hadn’t even started my food shopping yet.  As I was walking swiftly away from that aisle, I thought to myself it couldn’t get any worse.  WRONG AGAIN! Since I had spilled the bottle all over myself, I never got the chance to smell it. I picked my hand up to my nose and YES I really spilled the stinkiest bottle of bubble bath all over me.  #FAIL

P.S. I suffered through this so that you would know not to do this because I know everyone wants to try it.

          P.P.S. I really should have taken a picture but was worried about cleaning myself up and getting away from that aisle, and I didn't think about it until I had scurried away, and at that point I was not going back to the scene of the crime. Although, my pants were screaming what had happened!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Why it is Cool to Play GI Joe and GI Jane


       It’s all about perspective people. To sum it up if you don’t like how crazy the title sounds well then you are not even close to being cool.

So between my boyfriend and myself we have 4 kids, okay so ¾ of the kid percentage is mine, but that’s not the point. The point is when we have to travel somewhere all together, we have to drive in separate vehicles. Pain in the butt most days, but today was LEGENDARY. On the way to the Mother’s Day family cookout, which is an hour away, the boys all rode in the car with my boyfriend and the girls, myself and my daughter, rode in my car. The boys had decided they were going to take water guns to the cookout and not fill them up with water, but just use them to play GI Joes.  Okay, so as we are driving down the road I receive a text.

Boyfriend: “Apparently the joes just blew ur car out of the water.”

Me: “Bahaha! Y’all r CRAZY!  Autumn and I are laughing.”

         As we are driving down the road the next thing I see is a plastic water gun sticking out the window on the driver side shooting at us. Followed by…..

         Boyfriend: “I so shot out ur tires”

         Me: “We need a suction cup dart gun!!! GI Janes will always win!!!!”
         Boyfriend: “U r outnumbered 4 to 2”

         Me: “We r much stealthier!!!”

We start driving on the bridge when my daughter suggests we throw the GI Joes in the water. To which I gladly text.

         Me: “Autumn said we should throw u in the water”

         Boyfriend: “U cant if u cant catch us”

         Me: “Watch out we have spies and snipers ahead”

         Boyfriend: “Haa u alerted us to soon! Now we r ready”

     We had to stop at a stop sign to turn heading closer to our cookout destination. It gave the GI Janes enough time to roll down the windows and use our “finger/Hand gun” to shoot the GI Joes mustang.  Since we were out in the country (more so than usual) and driving down a long road (nobody in sight) we passed the GI Joes and shot them as we drove by. My daughter thought that we better keep an eye on those sneaky boys, so she put up a stuffed cat and elephant in the back window to watch them.

         Me: “Y’all sooo got shot. We’re watching u”

         Boyfriend: “Ur cat just window farted us”
         Me: “Lmfao. Autumn said we r gun proof and invisible.”

         Boyfriend: “U would be but we have u on infrared.”

         Me: “We realized our 3rd GI Jane got left at home in the pen. Autumn said she has skills to take over all computers! Bwahahao”
(I should state here that our 3rd GI Jane is our dog and not another child we keep in a pen. We almost never leave our kids in a dog pen. hehe)

         Boyfriend: “Except Stephen uploaded a virus to hack her”

         Me: “Until he realized he just opened the exact file we sent to give us access to  all ur files. We have the info we need and our computers self destruct in 5…4…3”

         Boyfriend: “One problem we have the best weapon ever. Snake eyes in our back seat! Ching!!”

         Me: “Maybe u should double check….”

       Anyway we finally made it to the cookout. It’s hard to say who won because there are no losers, but the GI Janes totally won. I know you agree. I have to say that was the best Mother’s Day ever! This is why we are the coolest people you know. ;)


P.S. Nobody was harmed in this story. All involved our law abiding citizens. No laws were broken, nor endangerment of any lives. GI Janes rule the world!