Let me start from the beginning because I hear that’s usually the best place to start. I was sitting on my couch when I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked down and didn’t see anything, so I went back to watching my movie. Out of the corner of my eye, I see it. It was in stealth mode. I tried to watch it out of the corner of my eye because well you know if you turn and look at it, it doesn’t move because it senses you watching it. Sneaky and cunning it was trying to be, but really when you get up on my couch and lay out on the cushions, you have lost your stealth mode. Why yes, you were sneaky breaking into my house, but now you are gonna just chill next to me on my couch. I don’t know whether to scream in horror or pretend like I don’t see it. Would calling the police be too much? I mean it did break into MY house. That is against the law. Although I am not clearly up-to-date on laws about animals breaking into my home, but nonetheless; the point here is clearly a law of some sort has been broken.
If you saw the size of this ugly-stealth-ninja-cricket (politically correct name) you would be thinking the same thing. It was HUGE. Okay maybe that was an exaggeration, but it really doesn’t matter the size because its name is not on my lease agreement and let’s face it I don’t want to get in trouble for subletting.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so I had to plan my next move carefully. I didn’t want to let this intruder know that I was planning my escape. I slowly, one centimeter at a time, slipped farther and farther over until I was off the couch. (What looks like slowly and subtly to me probably not so much to it.) Okay, I’m off the couch. Maybe I should have finished the plan of what to do once I’m off the couch before I moved. I need to find something to put it in because I don’t want to squish a ninja cricket on my couch, nor do I want to go far enough away to lose eye contact with the intruder. My answer, as if sent from the cricket gods to spare this poor creatures life, (yeah right) a shoe box was sitting with in body length’s distance away from me. It would be better for this intruder to commit cricketcide then to wait for me to catch it and put it outside and then squash it. Anyway, that’s not what happened. I grabbed the shoebox while keeping an eye on this cunning creature whom was still sprawled on my cushion enjoying itself. It was time for my stealth mode to kick in. (don’t worry, we all have one built in somewhere. Some better than others. I pretend I’m Yoda, but who doesn’t?) YES! I captured him/her not really sure how to check gender on ninja crickets. I debated on squishing it upon immediate release outside, but then I thought about how cool it would be to have the same cape as Yoda, and the stupid ninja cricket went into stealth mode disappearing into the distance to live another day.
*Disclaimer-not all parts of this were true. Sadly no ninja crickets were harmed in the making of this story. You may try this at home, but not suggested.